Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Click here to see Set 3 of our Road Trip 2007 photo gallery.

Sorry this is a bit late.  We had issues finding internet access the last couple days. 

We were pretty excited to do New Mexico today.  I’ve (Garrison) been talking about wanting to see Carlsbad Caverns and Roswell for like 12 years now, so it’s about time I actually made it, heh.

We finally timed something well – Carlsbad Caverns were free of charge today!  The caverns are super huge – definitely the biggest ones any of us had ever been in.  We did the self-guided two-mile tour, at the beginning of which we were given the “touch nothing” spiel. This one was actually pretty unique, however, due to Ranger Dan’s sacrificial stalagmite.  At the top of this stalagmite there were two soft mounds, so naturally Joel gave them a little feel. It was too quick to grab photo evidence, but Ranger Dan did see this uncouth molestation of his rock.  Instead of yelling or kicking us out however, he simply asked Mr. Cop A Feel if he would have done the same if said mounds were hanging from the bottom.  Needless to say Joel could think of little by way of a come back and simply stammered something that vaguely resembled a “no!”  Well played Ranger Dan, well played.

Unfortunately the low lighting did not facilitate the taking of 100% awesome pictures, so we didn’t post a lot of them that were too blurry or whatever.  We did get a couple pictures that are so fantastic you could put them on postcards, so it all evens out in the end.  Any pictures you may be able to capture don’t do the place justice though.  It’s most certainly a you-need-to-see-it-in-person kind of deal.

The biggest disappointment of the caverns was definitely the “Bottomless Pit”.  Turns out, it actually has a bottom…that’s only 140 feet down.  Our guess is that “Pit with Bottom” didn’t have the same effect.

After we left Carlsbad we headed towards Flagstaff via Roswell, New Mexico.  We didn’t see any aliens unfortunately, but we did visit the coolest antique shop ever.  Joel got some totally sweet signs and I (Garrison) found a King cornet in amazing shape for 86 dollars.  You couldn’t slash that price any lower, unless you used one of the Nazi Youth knives that were for sale in the cabinet on the back wall.

Also random was the truck from Rocky Mount, NC that we saw while eating.  Not quite as random as Daniel seeing someone he knows on the streets of New Orleans, but pretty close.

We went to see the Very Large Array (the giant radio telescopes you probably saw Jodie Foster use in Conact) after Roswell.  It was getting really close to bring dark so we had to hurry the last 49 miles.  Joel broke the old speed record of 110 by getting to 114, but only for a second.  We got some pretty decent pictures of the sunset with the telescopes in the background too, but we didn’t stay very long because it was really cold.

Holy crap!  We almost destroyed our car with Hank on the way to Arizona from The Very Large Array tonight.  For those of you who don’t know or may not be as familiar with Hank, he’s our deer friend from Badlands National Park who stood in the middle of the road and wouldn’t move.  Hank apparently also transformed into a huge elk since last year.  Luckily Joel has cat-like reflexes and avoided splattering the crap out of a giant elk.

Springerville, Arizona has a Razor Scooter gang.

Click here to see Set 2 of our Road Trip 2007 photo gallery.

Monday, May 14, 2007

At 9:22 AM, while I (Big D) was “comfortably” asleep on my unforgiving excuse for a hotel bed at the luxurious Motel 6, conveniently located under the I-35 bridge, and 40 feet from the Golden Arches drive through, the room phone rang. I groggily groped for the receiver and answered the phone, “Get up!” two cryptic voices assailed me; the first directly into my ear and the other from across the room, Papa G, it seemed, was ready to leave. Good morning!

Last night in San Antonio we decided to hit the ever so popular River Walk for some well-advised margaritas. Memory serves me (Daniel) that the River Walk is a pretty hoppin’ joint, but being Mother’s Day and Sunday there were all of 14 people around. Three waters on the rocks later we called it a night.

On the corner of N Main St., just across from Luby’s, there’s a nice little café by the name of Lulu’s Bakery. They are famous for the world’s largest cinnamon buns are. I (Big D) entered with the sole purpose of acquiring this delectable pastry of lore. After asking the waitress how much and how big, she proceeded to tell me $4.97 for one of those, pointing to a nearby display. I typically refuse to believe the “everything is bigger in Texas” mantra, but this cinnamon bun was the size of a freakin’ Thanksgiving turkey; six pounds of buttery fresh baked goodness topped with sweet delicious icing. As I returned to the car, everyone gazed upon the gargantuan pastry. I set it on the roof of the car and it made a substantial thump. We haven’t tried it as of yet, but when we do we’ll be sure to tell you how it’s better than anything you’ve ever had…ever.

We also stopped at this gas station in the middle of nowhere and they had spices for sale from 1977! These things clearly hadn’t been touched at all in 30 years.

We drove the whole afternoon to Carlsbad, NM so we can go to Carlsbad Caverns in the morning. This place is clearly one of those tourist only kinds of places where 90% of the businesses and restaurants are open for three months out of the year. In response to my (Garrison’s), “Are there any good Mexican restaurants around?” question, I received, “It’s Monday.” Come to find out, that means that nothing is open except for a lone Chinese buffet. We did managed to find a Pizza Inn though, and had some fantastic chocolate chip pizza, of which we took all but one piece. On the way out we had an interesting tête-à-tête with the naïve cashier girl, who was very intrigued when Big D told her we were from 1900 hundred miles away! The distance we had traveled to partake of the wonderful chocolate chip pie duly impressed her. She then asked if we were driving back tonight.

We also needed to pick up some orange juice for our huge cinnamon bun, so we went to Wal-Mart on the way back to the hotel. We were being our typical selves; Joel had a balloon from Pizza Inn, we were playing catch with the roll of paper towels, the usual. So we check out and while waiting on Joel to finish getting his deodorant, the teen in charge of supervising the self-checkout asked us if we were over 16. I (Garrison) was like…yeah…I’m almost 25…why? “You don’t act like it,” he arrogantly replied, “I’m 16 and I act better than you guys.” Thanks Mr. Self-Righteous, but we don’t work at Wal-Mart.

Click here to see Set 1 of our Road Trip 2007 photo gallery.

Saturday, May 12 and Sunday, May 13 2007.

We're just gonna combine Saturday and Sunday into day 1…so you'll just have to deal with it.

First thing’s first, Happy Mothers Day! To answer Jason’s question… That’s an affirmative ghost rider. The trip began with a visit to Kip and Stephanie. After a rousing cup of coffee and some ever so unique company, they continued to Gastonia to pick me (Daniel) up. “HEY! Welcome to CiCi’s!” was the phrase of choice, as a colorful atmosphere surrounded us. More specifically, pink was the color du jour for one young prom going teen, who proclaimed “we’re rednecks, and we like CiCi’s” as her reason for having prom night dinner at the epicurean’s Valhalla that is CiCi’s Pizza.

Onward we went, traffic-less and delay free, until “HOT”-lanta where we found our first detour, and Joel’s long lost cousin, a.k.a. Garrison’s new lover; allow me to set the scene. It was a dark stormy-less night, approximately 12:34 AM on the back streets of South Atlanta, we had stopped for gas at a quaint little station and, according to Garrison, he was molested into forking over some cash and giving this poor guy a hug, but I (Joel) think it was his plan all along. Let me tell you the Locke’s are a very close family – they totally have each other’s back. As Garrison began to talk to my long lost relation, Daniel beat a hasty retreat back towards the car while Garrison was being embraced for his generous nature. Unfortunately this only encouraged this loving individual, who continued to follow him. In order to redirect his attention, Garrison quickly told him Daniel’s name and then tried to hide behind Amy, who promptly locked the car doors. I (Joel) was pumping the gas during the whole exchange and did my best not to laugh as this poor guy tried to make Daniel feel guilty for being afraid of black people. Apparently it worked, as sure enough Big D reached in the car for some cash. Then he turned to me, and told me I looked black; I guess it’s the facial hair. Apparently this also confirmed I wasn’t a racist because he appealed to my sense of kinship for aid – he’s my cousin on my father’s side by the way – unfortunately all I had for him was a lady’s phone number. He eagerly accepted it as he asked me if I wanted “anything” quickly followed by, “you ain’t cops right?” The moral of the story being this guy was smarter than all of us, except maybe Amy who just locked the doors. By the way Meghan, if someone called you and talked about randy things I’m really sorry.

“EH! I can’t feel my toes!” exclaims the lady from the passenger seat as we cross Lake Pontchartrain, and New Orleans rises from the ground in the distance. 743.6 miles into the journey we’ve reached our first destination, Nawlens. Having been there twice before, I (BigD) can’t help but immediately compare my memories of previous trips to the current conditions and sites of beaten and battered Louisiana. While, physically there may be a noticeable amount of damage, the town is still very much alive in spirit.

One of the most important things I (J) was looking forward to was the music, obviously not being there past 3:30 made getting a real taste all but impossible. Luckily there were several street side groups playing. The best by far outside Café Du Monde, two women and the most Cajun man I think I have ever seen, the hat, the overalls, the beard, everything…and then crocks, what the hell? Anyways, they were very good; vocals, guitar, and mouth organ…guess who was playing the mouth organ? The most disappointing group, besides the baby toting drummer chick with hairy armpits, were a group of Mennonites singing amazing grace and that kind of stuff, along with their mediocre melodies were groups of their senior members walking around with CDs handing them to people and saying, “Here, you throw this away.” I guess we should be grateful they are coming up with other ways to spread the word and such, but it definitely dampened my opinion of the music scene, even the big black guy dancing around playing “yazz” flute didn’t help all that much. Perhaps I’m being a touch critical, but we were only there for three hours and I would have preferred to be wowed, so to speak.

Fast Fact: St. Louis’ cathedral is the oldest cathedral in the United States.
“Laissez les bons temps rouler” ~Let the Good Times Roll~

I’m (Garrison) typing this as we begin our trek across the state with which one cannot mess. As far as I can tell, all the stereotypes about Texas are true. From my position in the back seat of the car, I can see no less than eight SUV’s surrounding our fuel-efficient and appropriately sized Honda Accord. I also saw a huge house with a four-car garage and a Hummer in the driveway next to the interstate. How’s that for American? There are also billboards advertising services for “Microsurgical Vasectomy Reversal.” Does the demand for that procedure really warrant a billboard purchase?

We just passed two Budweiser breweries and were reminded of how Miller Lite won the “Best American Lager” category (in some competition…) 5 years in a row. How exactly does one determine which “American Lager” (and we use that term non-existently, since arguably, there is no such style of beer) is the best? That’s like trying to decide which type of horse pee tastes better, Clydesdale or Appaloosa.

Road Trip 2007 is almost here! We’re leaving right after Amy and Joel graduate next weekend on May 12th and will be gone through May 23rd. The current planned route has us traveling 5718.8 miles. Here’s a map for your viewing pleasure:

The list of destinations includes: the world’s largest chair, New Orleans, The Alamo, Stonehenge II, Carlsbad Caverns, Roswell , The Very Large Array, Grand Canyon National Park, Las Vegas, Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park, Arches National Park, Four Corners Monument, Santa Fe, Oklahoma City, and Memphis.

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

Can you copyright a number? 

I'm just interested to see what happens…

So you do need the million Rubees, there's just a much faster way to get them.  I was retarded!

…of the stupidest game task of all time.

I started playing Super Paper Mario the other day; it's a whole lot of fun and pretty funny too. So far so good right? Well, sort of. It was all good until I get to the second chapter and I break this chick's vase (it was on top of a question mark block…what was I supposed to do?). So the thing breaks into two even halves, a clean break. Instead of letting me apologize and just put it back together with some Gorilla Glue, she decided to declare me her slave and make me work off the cost of her precious vase — 1,000,000 "Rubees". ONE MILLION! In order to work off this sum I have to jump up and down hitting a block, which gives me one or two Rubees per hit. I find out there's a VIP prisoner room to make a lot more Rubees for your work but you need the access code. So I get the access code from a dude for 100 Rubees and then get into the VIP room. I now have to run in a hamster wheel (read: hold right) to make Rubees. I run in this hamster wheel (hold right) for about 10 minutes and only make like 30,000 Rubees. To get to 1 million is going to take way too freaking long. WTF Nintendo? I love your game so far, but why a million? I better get something totally sweet for holding right for that long. I'm just gonna get a rubber band and let it go for a while. At least the longer you go before cashing out your work, the more Rubees you make. But seriously, that's a lame task.

Joel and I went to hear David Sedaris read last night at the Clayton Center in Clayton, NC. It was freakin' hilarious. It's only the second reading I've ever been to (the other being Chuck Palahniuk) though, so I don't know if it's typical for the author to be that hilarious. I'm gonna venture to say that it's not the norm, but it probably is normal for the authors I read.

While waiting in line to meet David and have him sign my copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day I was thinking about how I can never think of anything clever or lasting to say when I meet these kinds of people. I think it's because I'm never very comfortable talking to people I don't know well, especially famous people I don't know well. He stays after his reading to sign all these books for people, the least I could do for him would be to give him something interesting to hear. But alas, I cannot. Joel did point out something that helps put it all into perspective though; no matter what you tell someone like that, they'll always have a story to trump you. So true. In the end it doesn't matter because he's probably already heard whatever clever thing you thought he might like to hear.

Regardless of that, it was still totally awesome to have met him and hear him read.

I was thinking again about things I would very much like to do some day, and I thought I'd write them down on the old internet here so there's at least some measure of personal accountability.  Keeping them in my mind gets me off the hook too easily.  Here, in no particular order, are a few of my personal ambitions, what are your's?

1. Backpack across Europe
2. Visit Russia
3. Become a millionaire
4. Visit Australia
5. Write a book
6. Have that book published
7. Visit Japan
8. Stand on the Moon
9. Create a decent video game
10. Own a book store

The new cover for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released the other day and I thought it was pretty interesting. The following will probably only be of interest to you if you’ve read the books.

WARNING: BOOK 5 SPOILERS BELOW! STOP READING IF YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW SOMETHING IMPORTANT FROM ORDER OF THE PHOENIX.

Here’s the new cover; I will discuss below the picture.

A coworker and I were discussing this picture and noticed several interesting things:

• It looked to us that they are in the place where Sirius (supposedly?) died (oh noes!) in Order of the Phoenix. The tiered rows of seats that were described seem like they would look like a kind of arena. The only thing that seems different is the sky, as I remember that arena being inside the Department of Mysteries underground somewhere…
• The shattered stuff in the foreground looks like it might be that archway that was in the middle of that arena that Sirius fell through.
• There was also a curtain around the archway in that scene, so I wonder if the curtains on the side of the images have anything to do with that.

The only question I have is who are Harry and Voldemort fighting together? Unless that’s not really Voldemort and is Snape or something, if Snape pulled an Emperor Palpatine. Then after he gets deformed by some force lightning he’ll be all, “Execute Order 66.” Then Darth Vader was all, “Noooooo”.